So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
