I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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