i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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