only you would photoshop your dick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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