It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
