you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
