i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
