Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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