we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
