I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
