Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cannot find my penis.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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