I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
