I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
