I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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