my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
