Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dick very happy bro
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
