I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize