Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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