You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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