I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize