I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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