You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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