Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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