I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize