So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
