He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
