A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
