Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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