just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
