They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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