Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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