Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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