I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize