so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
