Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
