He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
