census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
