apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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