Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
