I'm lost and stupid without you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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