Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
