you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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