I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
