weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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