Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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