My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
