the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
