dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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