so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
