would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
