I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sobbing to NWA
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
