im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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