I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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