Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
