i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
