Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
