I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
