you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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