So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
