thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
