I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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