just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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