I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
