he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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