Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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