Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
