I love black thongs
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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