I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
