Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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