Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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