dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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