I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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