That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
